This introduction is mostly to this work.  The basis of this work goes back much further in my own personal history.  Where, when, and how I grew up are as important to understanding how this all came to be as anything else that I might list as inspiration.  As a fair balance to this introduction of this particular work, the manuscript titled:"The Subject of Christianity" should next be viewed before proceeding beyond this chapter.

    It started in 1980, when I was about 16 years old, as a notebook. Kind of a journal, but more of a collection of bits and pieces from other books I was reading and studying at the time. I was creaming books on psychology, magic, and the occult, of anything that seemed to be possibly or partially correct.

    I was searching for answers that no one I could find seemed to have. I was a terrible burden to my parents in this way. Always asking questions that they did not have answers for. Fortunately, (or unfortunately – the times I have considered it all a curse,) I am blessed with parents that do not feel the need to tell me something. I was never misled. And this should have been the case with me. Always, it seemed, they were telling me how intelligent I was, and how much smarter than they ever were I had already become. It was probably a bad thing to do as far as parenting goes. It made me terribly self-righteous and egotistical. I have always had trouble taking seriously anyone else’s ideas and opinions. No parent really has any idea how much there is to deal with when they have children. I never got answers like "because" or "no one really knows" or "stop asking such stupid questions". If they did not know, they said so. This left open for me the possibility to one day find the answers they had not.

    The search began rather early in life, or so it seems. Always remember being comfortable in my home, with my loving parents and younger sister, but I was ever aware of what was outside. No one made any effort to protect me from this. (Not the outside world, but the knowledge of it.) In fact, it almost seemed as if they wanted me to see and know about it, like somehow it would make me afraid and more dependent upon them. I was privileged to ask any question, and see just about anything I wanted to see. I went with it and enjoyed the time I had, for I was well aware that it was not going to last forever. By the age of 18 I was going to be right out there with all the monsters, so I had best listen and prepare myself. Well, that was at about age 4, 1968, watching the Viet Nam "police action" on TV during every dinnertime. I remember. I started searching, and worrying, and being very uncomfortable in the midst of my overwhelming comfort at home.

    Whether or not I was/am more intelligent than most I am not sure of now. Back then though, I thought so, and used it. Where was the edge? What advantage could it bring? How could I find more security? It may seem hard to imagine a 4 or 5 year old studying psychology and human behavior, but that was exactly what I was doing in a round about way. What was Fear? What were my fears? What did others fear? Powerful feeling, fear is. Mom and Dad were still terrified of the Nazi death squads and concentration camps from 25 years earlier. Why? We were not Jewish. Tried to tell me how the Nazis were killing everyone without blonde hair and blue eyes, and looking at me like I should understand. I had blonde hair and blue eyes. To them the murder was senseless. To me the fear was senseless. Adolph Hitler was dead. The Nazis were a joke in 1968. My parents walked away from me shaking their heads. I was a mess. I was a twisted child. I could reduce people to idiots simply by drawing a swastika someplace. I was just a small child, but I was feared. I learned really quickly from that point forward.

    There were lots of other things people feared. Many other symbols and ideas broke people down into unthinking creatures who feared me. Was it I? No, it was some thought that I had started going in their own minds. People fear the unknown, I found most clearly. I was not raised like others were raised. This was far more logical to accept than some idea that I was of some superior intellect. I was not trained to be afraid of the dark. I was not trained to be afraid of dreams. I was not trained to be afraid of strange thoughts and ideas. I was not trained to be afraid of the 90%+ of my brain that I was not aware of the function of.

    As I dove into the realm of fearsome things, I found the fearsome ideas, and the fearsome people which had terrified the masses and left them spellbound. This was my goal that had distilled itself into reality by the time I was 14 years old. Gathered all the books that I could find on the subject of magic, witchcraft, occult arts, secret sciences, and satanism. Went through them all, then went after the old books they gave reference to. Found many of them and went through them too. With this study, combined with a parallel research going on with actual scientific theories and works, I was able to weed things out rather well I thought. Thus began the notebooks that would become this work of mine 20 years later.

    Crude patterns of thought and function, from all available resources of scientific, philosophical, theological, and metaphysical ideas: advanced, merged, corresponded, and converged. A fire set to every idea, that only the truth would survive, the real gems. Garbage, garbage, garbage, good. Garbage, garbage, garbage. Tried the best as I could to sort it all out. So much crap. So many things that were added to otherwise important information. Don’t understand the purpose behind this but ego. Why are those who know some afraid of not having the answers to all? Growth and progress is so difficult that way. Say what you know and leave what you don’t! Be a true scientist, even if the subject is not entirely true science. I have spent so much time sifting through pages of rubbish to get to the real goods. Are all these people trying to be authorities of the intangible? Do they have some sort of god complex? Do they think all of us are idiots and will buy the BS along with the truth? Is it all about money?

    I compiled notebook after notebook, all full of little bits and pieces of things that I considered to be of value in my quest. Sacred geometrical forms and diagrams of patterns and designs: Lists of numbers and names of gods and goddesses from every known religion and mythological source: Lists and tables of the powers of creation and the universe, forces and entities responsible for everything in reality. And it was not just in occult and metaphysical works that I was searching. I had even more books on Physics, Astronomy, Biology, Chemistry, Psychology, and Mathematics. All of this I was gathering together in one place. I was to know it all, master it all, and find the answers that I was looking for: Answers that everyone else seemed to think they didn’t need to find, for one reason or another.

    At some point during this quest, I discovered the Kabbalah. This one body of work seemed to be addressing the same type of system that I was trying to find for myself. It was a multi-level, many faceted work that included parts of everything. It was said that the Cabala was the divine secret design given by GOD. I had run across this name before when researching Tarot, and Numerology. There were many discrepancies in symbolism that I had found though, so I didn’t pursue it much at first.

    Some time later, and deeper into my study, I encountered the works of one Aleister Crowley. All of the work of this man was derived from the Qabbala. His work was a thorough and exhausting study of the realm of magic, which he renamed as Magick. He did manage to correlate almost everything into his system like no one had ever done before. From collecting some of his many works, it seemed as if he had spent his entire life trying to realize this system of correspondences and relations. After playing around with some of his ideas, I determined there must be some critical error that had affected the entire system he was working with. This whole idea though, of one system that accounted for everything in existence, appealed to me though. This was just the sort of universal truth that I was searching for, so I continued my pursuit of the Qabala, but through out all the preconceived notions that anyone had about it. I decided to rebuild it from the basics.

    So much I have read in my short time here.  So many different and varied ideas about the nature of those hidden things have I exposed myself to.  There are so many ideas.  I am very concerned about the destiny of my Soul.  I see nothing more important than figuring out where I can go from here.  There is so much more to see, I feel, and so much more to know.  The more I know the more I want to know.  This is a part of who I am that I cannot ignore.  Why else would my very soul be so interested if it were not possible for me to know?  GOD would not give me such a desire and drive as such without a reason.  Everyone I meet settles for what is told to them, and what is taught to them.  I thank GOD that I was not so programmed to simply accept things others tell me.  I really do not understand how anyone else CAN just accept things as fact without questioning and testing them first, but they do.  This is my SOUL that is concerned here!!!  This is something that is eternal and immortal.  That means FOREVER!!!